How to plan a spreading of ashes ceremony with your family before you pass
Pre-planning your own memorial services with your family can be surprisingly comforting. Not only does it give you a chance to express what you want to happen after you’ve passed, it can also give your family a certain peace of mind, knowing they’ll have a clear path forward when honoring your memory.
Your family may already know that you prefer cremation over a traditional burial, or that you’d like your ashes scattered rather than interred. But there’s more than one method of cremation available, and certain steps will need to be taken to ensure your ashes can be scattered where you like. The more you plan ahead of time, the less your family will have to take care of on their own once the time comes.
To help make the process a little easier, here’s a step-by-step guide for pre-planning a spreading of ashes ceremony with your family.
1. Choose a cremation provider
Before planning your ash spreading ceremony, be sure to look for a cremation provider that meets both your personal preferences and your financial considerations. While weighing your options, keep in mind that arranging a traditional cremation through a funeral home means paying for more than just the cremation service itself. Often, these services will include embalming and a viewing, as well as memorial planning—which, if you’re already planning a spreading of ashes ceremony, may be an unnecessary extra cost for you and your family.
On the other hand, direct cremation offers a simpler, more affordable option. Direct cremation services involve only the fundamental steps of the cremation process. These include transportation, preparation, and cremation as well as returning the ashes to your family once the process is complete. This leaves you free to arrange a spreading of ashes ceremony on your own terms and schedule, often at a fraction of the cost of most traditional cremation service packages.
2. Determine a location for your ceremony
Think about places that carry a lot of meaning for you—somewhere you have a lot of good memories, perhaps, or a place you’ve always wanted to go. Often, the most meaningful places are those closest to home—which is why many choose to have their spreading of ashes ceremonies in their very own backyards.
However, you may also choose to have your ashes spread elsewhere, on public or privately-owned land. Many cemeteries and churchyards offer scattering gardens specifically for this purpose, but national and state parks are also suitable choices.
Whatever location you’d like to choose, be sure to check your state and county laws to see what regulations you’ll need to keep in mind while making your arrangements. Your scattering options in San Francisco, for example, may be very different from what’s available in Los Angeles, or a city in another state. You’ll also need to make sure that ash scattering is allowed in the specific location you’ve chosen; most public parks will permit it, but not all. Take care to get permission for scattering ahead of time, and obtain any permits which do not require a certified death certificate.
3. Pick your method of scattering
You know you would like your ashes to be scattered, but do you know how you want it to be done? You might be surprised at the options available to you.
Scattering on land
Probably the first option to come to mind for many, a land-based ceremony for spreading ashes is often among the simplest to arrange. You may choose to have your ashes cast over a particularly beloved spot of land, sprinkled around a bush or tree, or raked or trenched directly into the ground to truly become a part of the earth. Some even choose to become a tree after cremation with biodegradable urns.
Scattering at sea
If your chosen memorial location is by the ocean, you may simply ask that your ashes be scattered out over the water at a certain time or place. Or, you may opt for a floating ceremony in which your ashes will be placed in a water-soluble urn before being cast into the water. Biodegradable flowers and wreaths may also be cast into the water alongside your ashes, if you and your family so choose. For this option, your family will likely need to charter a boat, as the EPA prohibits the spreading of ashes less than 3 nautical miles from land.
Scattering by air
In addition to providing a unique view for your loved ones, scattering by air may be a good alternative if you find that you’re unable to scatter by land in the location you have in mind for your ceremony. Aerial memorial services are possible with the help of a hired airplane and pilot. Most plane charters charge per mile traveled and per passenger, so if this is your preferred scattering method, you may want to plan for only one or two people to fly with your ashes while the rest of your family participates from the ground.
4. Name someone to lead the ceremony
This may be a religious or spiritual leader, or a close friend or family member: someone who knows you well and whom you can trust to be dependable during a difficult time. This person will be in charge of making sure your ceremony proceeds smoothly when the time comes. They should be well aware not only of your current plans but of why you’ve chosen these arrangements, so that they will be prepared to make suitable adjustments if any changes need to be made after you’ve passed on.
5. Decide who will spread your ashes
This can be the same person who will be leading the ceremony, but it doesn’t have to be. Either way, it should be someone you can trust to be responsible and respectful. You may also choose to ask multiple people to take part in the actual spreading of your ashes. Be sure to talk with each individual whom you want involved, to ensure not only that they are aware of their responsibilities, but that they are comfortable with them.
You can request the use of decorative scoops for the ceremony, or you can ask that your ashes be separated into individual containers beforehand and distributed accordingly.
6. Design your ceremony
Often, the best strategy when designing a memorial service is to write down (or ask a loved one to write down) a list of things you’d like included, in the order you’d like to include them. Prayers, poems, or eulogies are common in many memorials. Is there a certain song you’d like to be played or performed? Are there particular keepsakes you’d like guests to take home after the ceremony? How simple or complex your ceremony is will depend on your preferences and your financial situation. Don’t forget to include a list of guests you want to be invited.
7. Share your plans
How involved your family is in the planning process is ultimately up to your discretion. Involving others in the planning process can be very helpful, as you can ask them for opinions or help with things like researching cremation providers, local ash scattering laws, or making a guest list. However, if you prefer to make your plans on your own, make sure to let at least one person know what those plans are, and where to find any related documents they may need for reference or for finalizing your arrangements once you’ve passed away.
Arranging a spreading of ashes ceremony ahead of time
Making a plan ahead of time, together, can help guide you and your family to a place of greater peace of mind and understanding. Loss is never easy, but making memorial arrangements in advance can help make it less difficult for everyone involved.
And of course, planning a spreading of ashes ceremony begins with knowing how, and where, your cremation will take place. Tulip Cremation is a direct cremation provider with a simple and affordable end-of-life planning service that can help put you and your loved one’s minds at ease. Choose your plan and make your arrangements online, or call our Family Care Team anytime, day or night, to purchase a pre-need plan or find out more about our service. We’ll be here to help whenever you need us.
Tulip Cremation offers simple and affordable direct cremation services coordinated by an experienced funeral director and helmed by a team of professionals you can trust. Our service includes transportation, preparation, and private cremation. We can then return your loved one’s ashes in a simple container to any US postal address. Call our Family Care Team at (844) 942-4909 for more information or to arrange online quickly and easily.